


Fetish

by tintedCupre



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Gambling, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Smut but not detailed, Toxic Relationships, Trans-man Qian Kun, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, i don't know what this is exactly, they switch(???), they want to kill each other but also not, they're.. complicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28607328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tintedCupre/pseuds/tintedCupre
Summary: Ten used to love Kun, love his smile and his caring personality. He used to love how he could lean on him without a care for the world.Used to.Now they're in a spiral, yet he's too addicted to leave.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Fetish

**Author's Note:**

> Kun is a trans male that means he's been born in a woman's body. Surgeries are dangerous and have high risks and that's why he had opted not to go with them.

[listen to this while reading](https://youtu.be/eL94ipGWisE)

TW : some transphobic comments

**_You got a fetish for my love, I push you out and you come right back._ **

Ten stared at Kun as he was leaning against the railing, only in his shorts and white bra, his hand close to the other showing off his soft breast, taking yet another drag of his cigarette and sighed to himself. "Are you gonna keep doing that?" Ten says and before he can even open his eyes, Kun has made his way in the room, her hand is grabbing his collar and he looks at the shorter with his eyes squinted. "Why do you fucking care." Kun snarls and Ten wants to say, 'because I love you. Because you mean everything to me. Because this, whatever is left us is falling apart and we're not picking it up.'

Except, he doesn't say a word. He doesn't say anything as he pulls on it and he feels pain spark, in his chest. No he's not the one causing it physically, he's not strong enough for it maybe, or maybe he hides the strength. But he's the one causing it emotionally. Kun is the reason he feels so suffocated right now, he's the reason everyday and every night seems to never get better. He ignored the anger and frustration as Kun leaned down and connected his lips with him, his chest connected to Ten's own and seated himself in his lab grinding down.

'Who were you with last night? Where did you go?'

No calls, never answering the ones he makes. Kun makes him so angry, he touches all the nerves Ten doesn't want to explore and it sends him of the edge. Why? He doesn't know. Kun looked so perfect, the older looked so perfect, so perfect to have but things that are too good have their drawbacks. He can see it now, he can't suppress the need to force Kun's mouth open to draw the answers he needs. But no, he wouldn't do that. That's not him. Right? Ten would stay the forever pliant and listening boyfriend.

He would stay quiet no matter how far Kun is running. He will keep a blindfold on his eyes of faith. He wants to convince himself he's the good in them, he's the better one but only if it was that easy. So Ten does what paints him as better as it can. He tries and he believes. He shuts himself up.

Frustrated, he's so frustrated but he doesn't name it, his chest is heavy and he wants to scream but he doesn't and pins Kun down instead. He thrusts into him till he cries. That's how Ten releases his anger, he doesn't word it and he's too afraid to hurt the man so he finds another way to do it. He pulls the long hair and releases his frustration in the hard and cruel pace he keeps as he fucks him dry and he curses when he falls beside him. Ten breathes in the suffocating room, smell of sex and cigarettes.

He shifted and then finally slid off the bed. One glance, he took one glance at Kun who layed unmoving on the bed, sheets covering him till his upper back and hair all over his face, hands close to his chest and he leans down to take them in his hands. He stares at the ring, he remembers their marriage and then he cries. Ten cries his heart out in those hands, the hands that would support him all the time, he would kiss them in the park or whenever he had to show affection. The hands that started to rise with Kun's voice yet never lost their beauty, they were just as pretty as the rest of him.

He grabs the cigarette packet and lighter and heads towards the balcony and lights one up. He inhales the toxins; there's no orher way he can feel at peace and it relaxes him. Maybe this is why Kun smokes so much? He's trying to escape reality just like Ten is. Kun hates how he spends their cents for money on gambling and alcohol. When he gets drunk till he doesn't remember the world but he wants to, needs to, get out and forget. 

He ignores the heartache, the bulge that had risen in his throat and the words right on his tongue. _Forget. He wants to forget everything and not let his mind think anymore. Thinking doesn't bring him anywhere._ He stops the hands that are so close to holding Kun and pulling him close, aching to touch his face, his soft skin. He ignores the pain that blossoms on his cheek like a dying flower.

Where had they gone wrong? He wondered.

Then again, they had never been right in the first place. Too happy, he was told. They were too happy to be real and he thinks if that worked as a curse now they stood without any roof to the place they were trying to build (were the walls even strong enough anymore?) He knew, yet didn't want to accept that the love was fading. He's lost, a little bit of hope keeps him running and he doesn't want to stop. Ten was running to catch what was left of the love. 

\-----

There were words, words in his head threatening on his lips but they go away as he bites onto the plump lip sucking on Kun's tongue letting his hands slide inside the older's shirt. Cigarette. He can smell cigarettes in his mouth, it's bitter but he swallows the whimpers and falls down, the arms on both sides of his head as he continues kissing him, hands going down to grip the butt. The aggressiveness comes out as he feels the hands dig in his wrists and Ten grips the locks of his partner's hair and pulls it harshly, trying to reach up to keep kissing him.

"You're so fucked up!" Kun screams and punches him right in his gut gripping his chin afterwards and kisses him harshly. Ten hisses in pain and jumps forward, getting the hold of his wrist, twisting it and then kicks his shin. "The only teacher I had was you." He says and Kun proceeds to throw a punch. He pushes away the taller, his body falling down on the floor, and spits curse. "Die in a hole you bitch." And he doesn't miss the twisted smile Kun gives him for that.

He doesn't stop his feet following him to the man on the floor. He doesn't stop Kun from pushing him on the mattress and he doesn't say no when the older man takes his member into his mouth and sucks on it, deepthroating till he felt himself releasing the semen in his partner's mouth who grins up at him. He doesn't stop Kun when he starts sending sharp thrusts in him and he writhes in the sheets. Ten feels _bliss._

\----

Ten remembers how he met Kun in his last year of college. He met Kun at an event, the best anchor there had been with a warm smile that kept everyone to the event despite being the most slow paced and unorganized he has ever come across. Maybe it was her charming smile, Ten had always admired it. He knew when he saw him, knew from the very moment that he was someone he could never meet again in this lifetime. So he took the opportunity at the right time.

After talking to him (and eventually asking for his phone number for a date) Ten got to know Kun was an out going boy. He was slightly reserved and shy but opened up quick and laughed without any worries. His voice was soft but deeper than most girls have despite not being like other boys but that wasn't any problem. It was soft, and so smooth and so soothing that Ten felt like he wouldn't be able to stay up if he kept speaking.

Magic. It was like magic.

Every second he spent with him seemed to lighten his world. He was an angel, so sweet and so kind. He had grown fond of him over such a little time it almost scared him. But he took it positively, he believed, if soulmates exist then perhaps Kun is supposed to be his'. That would be nice, soulmates. It would be amazing to have him all the time around him, he thought as he looked at the brunette who turned, his hair flipping as he did and pulled him by the hand.

On their fourth date, Kun was nervous and jittery. It made him scared, maybe he had messed up somewhere but when night struck and the sky was dark, Kun let his tears fall in front of Ten admitting that he was not biologically male, he never got surgeries for his body so he still.. had breasts and not a dick in his pants. It came as a shock, maybe he had pretty long lashes, shoulder length hairand a softer voice but his well defined jaw, the loose clothes and his lovely eyes never let him think that he could be a female- biologically. If he was honest, he had never thought about dating a trans man before.

But then he looked up at Kun, he still had his pretty eyes, his soft hair falling on his face, the plump lips red as ever and his hands clasped together. Was there any difference even if Kun was not a biological man? He stepped closer and when he raises his hand the boy flinched making his heart tug but he proceeded and hugged him tight. "Kun... never think things like these will affect me. I like you. I like you as you are and nothing can make me change that. You've already dug yourself a hole now I won't let you escape this relationship." He said grinning and buried his face in his boyfriend's shoulder who laughed and hugged him back.

Apparently Kun never had to get surgeries, with a few exercises his jaw developed sharp on its own. His loose clothing always seemed to hide his body; something he had learnt to do after experiencing angry partners, partners who didn't want to date him until he got surgeries. But he was scared, it was risky, very risky. He didn't want to cut off years of his life for that. Ten understood. Just because he had some differences didn't make Kun any less of a man. It didn't change when the Chinese would pull his smaller boyfriend in his lap and feed him the homemade food. Or when he would open the door for Ten like a gentleman. Where would Ten find someone like Kun? He kept hugging the taller close as he cried.

 _He smells like flowers, he smells like home_ , he thought.

After five months, he knew Kun was everything and more he could dream of. He was patient, kind, polite, caring and loving. The qualities never ended from his intelligence to making the best food. He would help him on reports sometimes and feed him what he craved when he worked too much. Kun was like his little fairy, with a snap he was all over the place taking care of him and spreading his pixie dust making things brighter. Maybe Kun was a fairy only.

Most of all, he was so thankful Kun never took it further than kissing him. He never made any overly seductive attempts or even talked about it. Kun always kept things simple, sweet and pure. Just like how he was. Ten was thankful, he didn't like to move fast in sexual terms, no, he wanted to learn his partner even if it took a year and mostly people didn't like this way. They didn't like it because he was slow and no one wanted to wait. No one except him.

Because when Kun and Ten would collide there could only be destruction. It wasn't slow, it wasn't soft and vanilla. It was not filled with mixed emotions but demanding, rough, hard, fast. He didn't realize when he turned like this. Had he changed? Or did Kun change him?

It didn't surprise him when they fought, fought like hell. After Kun broke a vase on his side and cried. When Ten caught his wrists and pinned him till the taller kicked him in the stomach. When he fucked the older on the floor till he cried Ten's name. He doesn't know what entered his soul that made him so... _hungry._ It didn't surprise him when Kun was satisfied with the result either, it didn't surprise him when next morning the man walked to him in nothing, his thighs still painted in cum and sat on him, riding Ten like a wild animal.

Despite spending the longest time he had ever spent in a relationship, Ten was yet to tell his boyfriend something. He had always been too afraid, always reserved about the topic because it only got him left alone. Abandoned. Ten wanted to believe, believe that Kun wouldn't judge him, no, he was too nice for that but would he accept it? Or would he have to change himself to be with her? He could surely do that. He would do that, this time. Because it was Kun. He meant more than anything to him.

So he waited. Waited, waited and waited. For the right time. Days had started to get tender and he couldn't find the right moment to talk to her. With shaking hands and a stuttering speech he finally poured out what he was locking in and then squeezed his eyes shut. He was waiting, for the mockery, for an angry shout, for a laugh or being pushed away but instead, slim fingers made their way onto his face and cupped it.

"Oh Ten.. why were you scared about this? Nothing could make me happier than knowing I can share my makeup with my boyfriend." He said in the similar comforting voice he used on people when he wanted to make them feel better. It worked, his encouraging words and when he finally rested his head on him chest, it worked. Ten felt even better when Kun started painting his face with the collection he keeps, similar to his own make-up but softer, because Ten was so beautiful. After he was given a mirror in his hand he observed his face. He looked... pretty.

He tilted his head and looked up at him, hesitating a bit, "You know... this doesn't change me. I don't.. I'm not non binary or-" before he could continue Kun shut his lips with a finger. "You don't need to be any different than the person you are right now for applying make-up Ten. I would never assume anything unless you tell me yourself. And I'd always support you." Ten felt his eyes tear up and he thought for a moment, rethinking but leaning up and connected his lips with the plush ones. He hears the other sigh and raises him pushing Kun down as he climbing up on him. He doesn't say more, there's no need as the distance closes between them.

He let's his boyfriend wrap his arms around him as Ten feasts on the soft nipples. He swallows Kun's moans right from his lips as he's deep inside him. Ten sends thursts to find all of Kun's insides. He let's himself fill his mind with the sweet chorus of whispers and encouraging moans. Ten bathes in the moment and lets Kun see the stars because he deserves the universe.

\-----

Somehow Ten and Kun had expected the lies. They had expected the fight and they had expected pulling each other's hair, throwing everything in the house at each other while hitting the other to inflict _pain._ Kun didn't pull his punches and kicked the man directly on his dick to make him wail in pain, smiling at the achievement and Ten pinned him down, the long locks of the older in his hand and pulled till they felt like being pulled apart from his head, he spat curses and told Kun how _pathetic_ he was.

He expects when the hand raises to scratch on his face and a comment to his unemployment, "At least I'm making the fucking money to have you here." Kun worked bare minimum on his job as a bar singer but it was better than Ten. Ten had big ambitions to work as a renown dancer but he lyed in bed without any studio applications and no competitions he felt motivated to go in. He would stay at home, go out for a bit and wander in the nothingness. "You bitch I'll reduce you to a begging mess if you pass comments to me." He snarled nonetheless and made Kun arch as he pulled the hair harsher only to be kicked off.

Ten scowled and let himself be grabbed by the T-shirt, climbing in his boyfriend's lap and kiss him so hard their lips hurt while he straddled him.

He sits on the couch, changing his clothes and getting pain reliever letting Kun take care of the mess they had made. Another broken vase, a broken photo frame, chairs and the cushions all over the place. Papers are torn and lying around. Like a tornado. They were like a tornado only, it was never good when they collide. He picks the remote and turns on the TV after ten minutes as Kun picks up the pain reliever and takes a painkiller before wiping his face, going to the kitchen.

He grows impatient, almost shouts at the man for taking so long but doesn't and lets his eyes wander over whatever the news is coming. After half an hour Kun steps in with a plate of pancakes and places them on the table; he watches him patiently, when the strand of hair comes right in the older's eye, he leans forward to brush it away. "This is all you made in so long?" Ten says with an unimpressed expression and he watches Kun's hands hesitate- the chinese turns his face sour and starts eating without commenting.

 _He's probably injured,_ Ten thinks knowing the only reason of the silence. The pancakes taste great, everything Kun cooks tastes good but he doesn't say anything. He doesn't compliment it, no, he doesn't even change his expression but swallows it down his throat and then gets up, grabbing the coat and walking out.

They had always been odd. Fighting and loving. There was no calm between them and almost everything was at edge in their relationship. They trusted each other with all the deepest memories but didn't trust a word of the present. Its was so odd and people would call them psychopaths, but if only they knew how they made love to each other. It's not some magical experience in a castle. Fast, angry, rough. Like everything else. He lets Kun pull the strap out and thrust into him. And how good is he at using those hips, it makes Ten _scream_ his guts out.

He also shows how real one feels better when he pushes the order's face in the mattress. "You can only fuck me with that fake thing, it's not deep as mine right?" He throws the mean comment. He knows, knows how bad Kun feels but he _wants_ him to feel bad. But Kun doesn't show mercy, he doesn't go pliant and docile. "I fuck you with a fake one and you still beg like a little bitch. Imagine if it was real, I bet you do." He snarls and then whimpers as Ten heats up at the comment, sending sharper thrusts. He feels humiliation and he pins the other down the man with his knees, he shows him just what he's talking about. He watches the older fall down, break on his member as he jumps like a cat in heat.

Somehow Ten and Kun had expected the betrayal as well. Ten didn't feel anything but disgust when he found Kun sleeping with a man and Kun had an unreadable expression of annoyance catching Ten in the sheets with someone else. It was so weird, weird how they would both act like nothing was up after almost choking the other the previous day. He wondered why? When he was in his early twenties he had never expected himself to be here, in this situation but now as he turned thirty it was natural.

He found it okay to fight his partner everyday, to beat them down and to get beaten up till his limbs hurt. He had thought about adopting a child before but now they were both not in the condition to take care of themselves before the kid. Maybe the child would take care of them instead? He laughed at the thought and rolled off the couch. Ten didn't know how he found himself in a fight with Kun's hookup but he remembers being punched so hard he couldn't see straight.

Maybe the older man's tactics were having an influence over him. "Fuck you I dated your pathetic ass when you're not even a man." He spat another harsh comment as he was pushing Kun on the couch, sitting on top of him and holding his wrists. "I didn't beg you to take me in whore. You're living in my house." The taller says and they both fight till they fall down hitting the table and hurting themselves, giving another injury.

Police had visited them once, of course, they were concerned about Kun more than him because he wasn't the one with a vagina right? They would care about him no matter how strong that man could hit him. Kun had brushed them off and stopped talking to the neighbours after that. They fought that night too as Kun twisted his hand behind his back and he thrashed to get released. Ten didn't hold back either when he choked him up, pinned on the wall and applying all the pressure he could till he got kicked away.

\------

Numerous time, numerous times they were told to separate both when they got sent to jail and by the people around them. They always said they were like time bombs. They would tick off one day and destroy each other. That nothing would be left to salvage after that. Their foundations were weak and their house would never stand, it was meant to fall down. But they didn't know the pair knew that. They had already destroyed each other. 

They had already sucked the life out of each other and now all was left was pain, anger, sadness and regret. They drowned in each other and made each other drown. Nothing was left of them, no, there wasn't any Ten anymore but a frustrated middle aged man who was disappointed in everything he had done till now. Who couldn't seem to find a way out of what mess he had dragged his life into, living on the basics of his partner. 

Neither was Kun himself anymore. He did everything he did everything he had promised himself not to and now he didn't know which path to take, young him was filled with compassion and drive but he didn't know. He didn't know what to do, he didn't even know if he wanted to keep moving forward. The bare minimum of his job was a force to keep them alive. Himself and the partner residing in his home after he gave up his job in a school. After he started painting his bodies in meaningless tattoos to overpower the pain. After he smoked in hopes to deduct whatever the fuck he was living in. 

_"I hate you."_

_"I hate you too."_

_"Fuck me."_

_Ten complies to the request._

**Author's Note:**

> If I'm being genuine I'm not sure what this is supposed to be. It was just my try at an erotica?? And I love writing angst for some reason so that's what it turned out as. 
> 
> I generally give a description of characters but here I didn't give a single clue of how they look like so you can imagine them as you want.


End file.
